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News and Notes!
Dr. Allan will be a guest
presenter for the Naked
Truth Alliance in February. More information will be in
the coming issues.
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Greetings,
The
Simple Marriage Project is off and running. This is a new blog
focused on this idea of relationship design. Already this new site has
received more traffic than our old blog. Things are very exciting. If
you haven't already checked it out, please do.
Keep
exploring!
Corey
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Tips
to keep the marriage rockin'!
Each week
there will be some tips, suggestions, or ideas intended to help keep
your marriage rockin'.
This week's
tip:
Take a hot shower or bath together.
Guys, its ok to enjoy a bubble bath and bath oils, no one but your wife
will know.
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The Toddler
Laws in Action in Marriage, 6 Ways to have an Adult's Only Marriage.
A two year old
lives in my house. While she offers a tremendous amount of joy and
energy for our household, she carries with her a few laws that
determine how she lives. She expects everyone else to know and abide by
these laws as well. Anyone who has lived with a two year old knows the
Toddler Laws:
- If I like it, it's mine.
- If it's in my hands, it's mine.
- If I can take it from you, it's
mine.
- If I had it a while ago, it's mine.
- If it's mine, it must not ever
appear to be yours in any way.
- If I'm doing or building something,
all of the pieces are mine.
- If it looks like mine, it's mine.
- If I saw it first, it's mine.
- If you're playing with something
and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
- If it's broken, it's yours.
One of the
most primitive drives within us is summed up in the words "I love
me". My wife and I jokingly refer to this as, "it's all about me."
This drive has allowed humans to survive. To remain on the top of the
food chain. Freud called it the "ID." And it still drives our consumer
culture today. It impacts marriages as well, although not towards
marital thriving.
Too often
marriages operate more from the Toddler Laws than from love and
respect. Childish marriages are everywhere. Maybe even going on in your
home.
How do you
break free of the Toddler Laws in marriage and enter into one that's
adults only?
- Give your spouse the
respect another human deserves. Do you treat your neighbors
better than you do your spouse? We will treat a stranger better than
those we live with. This happens because we may not want to accept the
natural limitations that come with a committed relationship. We blame
our partner for our plight in life.
- Recognize your role in the
process. Own up to the fact that you play a part in your
marriage and take care of your end of the process. Too much time is
spent trying to control what our spouse. Relax, let them take charge of
their life, leaving you to take charge of yours.
- Break it down. You
can't see the forest for the trees. This step involves just the
opposite. Stop focusing on the forest and deal with the trees. Often
things are not near as bad as they seem. Break the relationship down
into smaller parts and address each one. You may find that the marriage
is better than you thought; you just couldn't see each part clearly.
- Rely on your own integrity
to grow yourself up. Deep down each of us have a core being
that we operate from. This part of us cares about others, ourselves,
the world around us, knows right from wrong, etc. This "best in us" can
handle what the world dishes out. Practice centering yourself and
living more from the "best in you" and your relationship will change
for the better. Guaranteed.
- Keep it simple.
Things in life aren't all that complicated or troublesome. Marriage is
the same. Remember why you're together in the first place and keep that
in mind throughout the day. Focus on the essentials of the marriage and
don't get so caught up in the little things.
- Plan ahead for the week.
Couples seem to wait for things to happen. This leaves too much to
chance. Plan your relationship week ahead of time. Schedule time
together if necessary. Enter each week with an idea of each other's
schedules. This will allow for anticipation of times together rather
than waiting for chance moments. Plus, you can still look for
spontaneous moments together.
When all is
said and done, marriage is about growing up. To do this, you must
recognize that this is what's going on. Marriage done right is a people
growing machine. As you grow, you experience more. You get more. What
have you got to lose? Take off the training pants and enter an adult's
only marriage.
A man may be a
fool and not know it, but not if he's married. ~ H. L.
Mankin
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God Bless,
Marriage
Fully Alive® |
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