What does it mean to be committed to
something?
Am I to give everything for the sake
of my commitment?
Will I lose myself because of my
commitment?
We make commitments all the time. To
jobs, community, creditors, family, spouse. At the outset, these
relationships begin with a commitment; but it quickly turns into
something else. If we affirm the economists claim that behavior is
basically driven by self interest, then we will buy into the
entitlement culture that we live in. The question for most things in
our lives becomes “What’s in it for me?” This question traps us in a
world where the dreamer is considered a fool. The passionate artist
becomes a hopeless romantic longing for love that can never be attained.
The implication of this type of
world is that if you don’t come up with a good enough offer for me, I
am not interested. I deserve better. I am entitled to more from you.
You owe me something. If I am to care about what you have to offer,
there must be a payoff.
If my commitment is conditional on
your response or delivery of a promise, then it never really was a
commitment. It was a deal.
In marriage, or any committed
relationship, how do you balance commitment with the give and take
relationships require? Having a
marriage
fully alive requires following your dreams and desires. It requires
taking a risk to look foolish. To live from integrity. Or better
stated,
altruistic
integrity. It further requires that you let your partner in on the
process. Because in many ways, if the marriage is going to last, they
have an impact on the journey.
A natural part of any relationship
is the limitations they impose on life. But do these limitations mean
you no longer live life? No. You can incorporate your
dreams
into your marriage or
your
marriage into your dreams. As you read the rest of this post, keep
this in mind:
relationships are choice. It
is possible to live a life fully alive and stay married. In fact,
staying married as you live fully alive only increases the joy as you
share the journey.
If you are struggling in a marriage,
ask yourself these questions.
What matters to you, really?
What make you come alive?
What stirs something deep
within?
If these questions are too
difficult, here’s a few that may help you discover their answers.
What are your dreams that are
unfulfilled today?
What did you want to do or
experience in life?
How much of your dreams have
become reality?
It could be that the
disconnectedness you feel at times is due to these unrealized dreams.
It’s not too late for you to create your own “Bucket List” or clarify a
Dreamline.
Other questions you can
explore:
What do you want
said at your funeral?
How do you want to be
remembered?
What will be your legacy?
Answering these questions will
stretch you to determine more about what you want in life and
relationship. More about the impact you want to have on others.
Then compare these answers with the
manner in which you live your life, this will uncover any regrets or
shame. Once these are revealed, work to amend them.
Live a
life
fully alive! Take the risk. Make the commitment to life now.
There’s no need to wait for a better deal to come along.
