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News and Notes!
Dr. Allan will be a guest
presenter for the Naked
Truth Alliance in February. More information will be in
the coming issues.
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Greetings,
I am happy
to announce the start of another blog, The
Simple Marriage Project. Intended to focus on relationship design,
the discussions on this blog will hopefully help simplify marriage
relationships and keep the focus on the essentials. Hope to see you
there!
Keep
exploring!
Corey
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Tips
to keep the marriage rockin'!
Each week
there will be some tips, suggestions, or ideas intended to help keep
your marriage rockin'.
This week's
tip:
Take a walk together, to add extra
spice, take this walk after midnight.
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How to have
an affair... with your spouse.
If
you have been married for any length of time, it is likely that there
have been times when passion and adventure waned. Routine and survival
becomes the focus. It is also very likely that throughout the course of
a marriage, the passion, adventure, and even the sex becomes routine
and mechanical.
It is during these times that
one or both spouses may begin to wonder what else they are missing. The
eyes begin to wander. Conversation with a coworker or friend of the
opposite sex may get too personal or slightly cross the line into the
inappropriate. If this lingering around the line continues, an affair
is likely to occur. While this affair may not be sexual or even
physical, emotional affairs can still be devastating to a marriage.
Since an affair is often not really about the “other person” or even
the sex but more about the adventure and the risk, what if you had an
affair with your spouse? Add some risk and adventure to your
relationship. Spice things up. Role play a bit. If there are two
willing participants, go for it.
Feel free to take some liberty with
this process in order to adapt it to your situation, and this should go
without saying, but this is intended to be used with your spouse,
not someone else.
The best way to start this affair is
online. Send an email to your lover from a private email account. These
can be created through yahoo or hotmail or many other services.
Encourage your lover to create their own account as well, to be used
exclusively for this relationship. Address the email to a pseudonym for
your spouse. The initial email should be inviting and suggestive, but
don’t move too quickly.
Part of the adventure and excitement
is the wooing and enticing of your lover.
After the conversations have enticed
and aroused the adventurous side of you and your spouse, an
inconspicuous meeting for drinks or lunch would be arranged. This
should occur during the day, either during lunch or when you can slip
away from your job to meet your adventurer over coffee. The important
thing is that you will meet with your lover and then return to your
day. It is also important to keep a low profile with these meetings.
Even though you are doing nothing wrong, in the spirit of the
adventure, try to avoid being caught.
As the tryst continues to progress,
be sure to keep the emails and the casual meetings coming. This will
help in blending the affair into the marriage later.
As for the rest of the process, use
your imagination and creativity. Here are a few ideas in order to keep
adventure part of the process.
1. Never meet your lover for
“affair sex” at your home. Part of the adventure is finding other
places to hook up.
2. Agree to not discuss this part
of the relationship at home.
3. Try to set up a regular
schedule of “dates” with your lover.
4. Do what you can to meet your
lover out of town once in a while.
5. Do not discuss your affair with
anyone. At least until you and your spouse have incorporated the affair
relationship into the marriage.
Enjoy the adventure. However, keep
in mind that you will need to blend this part of your relationship back
into your marriage. Here’s how.
First, when the affair has gone on
for a while, have a discussion with your lover about their experience
during this adventure and share yours. These feelings and thoughts can
be incorporated into the marriage going forward. Have this discussion
over dinner during a night out marking the end of the affair and the
beginning of a newly designed marriage.
Second, this process most likely
awakened some passion and adventure within yourself and your spouse.
Find ways to keep this growing in you. Feel free to express these
passions and adventurous thoughts in the marriage. This will allow for
longer lasting passion.
And third, remember that you and
your spouse are also lovers. Not just parents, employees/employers,
housekeepers, landscapers, chauffeurs, roommates, cooks, and friends.
Marriage is the best place to be yourself, and also the riskiest. Go
on, take the risk. You both may enjoy it!
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God Bless,
Marriage
Fully Alive® |
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