What excites you?
This is a
waterfall I found while backpacking with a good friend in Colorado last
summer. We had lunch here on the way to summiting a 14er the next day.
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Greetings!
The other day I was sitting around
Panera, where I spend way too much time, and I noticed the couple
sitting across the room. As they sat there and drank their coffee and
ate their bagel, not a word was spoken. The entire place was filled
with loud conversation and interaction, but they sat in silence. It
occurred to me that if life is about relationships, I need to make mine
a priority.
This couple could simply be
fighting and they are in the silent phase, if so; at least they
still went to breakfast together. Or they may have reached a point
where nothing else needs to be said. Is this a place that can really be
reached? Will we ever truly know our spouse? There is always more
to discover. It is my prayer that you will begin this expedition again.
To know more about the person you go to breakfast with. To talk with
them in a crowded place as if no one else was around. Enjoy the journey!
Corey
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What's
new at Marriage Fully Alive
If the idea of having a relationship that is more
fully alive is appealing to you, be on the lookout for the Marriage
Fully Alive Virtual Community! In the coming months we will be
offering you and your spouse a chance to join a community of fellow
expeditioners seeking to get more out of relationships and life.
We are very excited about this new venture into living
more alive. Please reply to this address (adventure@marriagefullyalive.com)
if you would like more information or are interested in joining as soon
as the community is available!
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Fear or
Fully Alive?
By Corey D. Allan, Ph.D.
Named must your
fear be
before banish it you can.-YODA, Star Wars, the
Empire Strikes Back.
Many people go into a marriage with
an ideal in mind. After saying "I do" to him or her, life will be a
happily ever after, long walk on a sunset beach, hand in hand, staring
into each others eyes, and then making love in the morning with the
cool breeze through the window and the birds singing in the tree...
Blah, Blah, Blah. If you are currently married, you know full well that
this fairy tale seldom, if ever occurs.
How many of us go into a
relationship having thought through worst case scenarios? What's the
worst that could happen in a marriage? Is it the prospect of divorce?
Maybe. For me, the worst case scenario would be monotony. Settling for
the same thing each and every day for as long as we both shall live.
Where do I sign?
I am not in favor of divorce. Most
of the time, it is the easy way out. Failing to acknowledge a
possibility does not make it go away. Inherent in every relationship is
the ending of it. Honestly address the fact that our relationships
involve risk, and then we are more capable of conquering the fear often
associated with the risk. The thing about risk; risks often aren't that
scary once you face them.
Most people become paralyzed when
faced with the prospect of risking their relationship. They will choose
unhappiness over uncertainty. They choose to settle with their spouse.
The idea becomes "well if this is as good as it's going to get, ok," or
"they are never going to change so I might as well get used to it." In
this scenario, the only thing left to do is wait for death, which may
be a long way off.
What if we actually faced the fear?
Took a risk?
It's amazing to me that when faced
with the prospect of divorce or changing some things in the marriage,
many people do not choose to change (at least within the current
marriage)! However, when a spouse joins you in the process of changing
some things, tremendous energy is discovered. It all begins with a
pointed discussion regarding the current state of the marriage. From
there, you can begin to design the relationship you both want. The
Marriage Fully Alive team is producing some resources to assist in this
process. Be watching for these products, due out around the beginning
of 2008!
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God
Bless,
Marriage
Fully Alive® |
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